The Five Stages of Grief
by defenderofbunnies
Summary: A short, drabbly series focusing on the struggle of P4's Hanged Man to cope with the death of a loved one. Early game spoilers.
1. Shock

**Shock**

Orange juice. That's what I was drinking when there was the knock at the door. I remember taking little sips, and swirling the pulp around the bottom of the glass. I didn't like pulp, but my parents only bought that kind of juice because Saki liked it. Why couldn't Saki buy her own juice? She worked long hours at that darn Junes, caused our parents to yell at her and our neighbours to gossip about our family behind her backs, stayed out on her own all night and yet she was still adamant that we bought juice with pulp in it.

Mother was taking a long time, and neither my father nor I could work out who it was at the door. Their voices were hushed.

Then, a loud wail. Father's chair scraped across the floor, the man abandoning his newspaper and rushing to his wife. I remained in my seat, staring at the fridge and wondering if I could filter the pulp from the rest of the juice. Father began to shout. Perhaps my sister had come home in a state, like when she ran off with that college guy. I wasn't listening to their words, I was on my feet and heading across the kitchen.

I was hit by cold air upon opening the door. The carton was sitting beside a cream cake- the cream cake that Mother had bought for Saki the night before, a treat to try and cheer her up after discovering Mayumi Yamano's body. I'd already eaten mine. I wondered how long it'd be before Saki ate hers.

"Naoki," a voice echoed from the hallway. "Naoki, where are you?"

"I'm in the kitchen, old man," I sighed, grabbing the juice and closing the fridge. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my father's form standing in the aperture.

"Naoki," he began grimly. "It's Saki."

"Don't tell me, there's another letter from her saying that she's gone off with that guy again," I sighed. "Who cares? Not me."

"She's..." His shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. "She's dead, Naoki. Your sister's body was found this morning by the police."

Orange juice. That's what splattered across the floor when my father told me that Saki had been murdered, pulp and all. As my parents clung to each other, sobbing and screaming, I stood there motionless, as if my feet had been glued to the floor by the cold, sticky substance.

I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel anything at all except pulp seeping between my toes.

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**A/N:** Naoki needs more love. D:


	2. Anger

**Anger**

The woman that they send me to in order to talk about Saki's death says that the person who killed my sister has a disturbed soul, that they've been twisted by their own self-loathing, and that it wasn't her fault that she died. Apparently, this is supposed to help.

A lot of people didn't like Saki, myself included when she did things to deliberately annoy me. I still don't like her now, because now the neighbours stare at me when I walk down the shopping district, and talk about me when I dare be anything but sad. My parents don't talk any more, they whisper. Mother cries, and Father often closes the store up early because he can't take the strain either. It's because of Saki that things are this way. If she hadn't disappeared that night...

"Konishi-kun, surely you don't hate your sister," the grief counsellor says after her speech about the corruption of the human condition. "You are just in a very difficult place right now. You are angry at the injustice of her death."

No, I'm not. If it's anyone whose head I want to knock off, it's Hanamura's. He goes about school with his gang of friends as if nothing happened. Before Saki died, he was like an old stain that refused to go away. Now he has Seta, and an army of friend and Saki's been discarded like a piece of unwanted trash.

Amagi, Tatsumi, Kujikawa... They all disappeared like my sister did, but they all turned up a few days later. Even the kid who killed King Moron was found after he went missing. A murderer of all people!

"Why? What do they have that Saki didn't? What makes them so special?" I frown, clutching the cup of tea that she's poured out to relax me. I know what she's waiting for, the explosive, textbook outburst where hot water and bone china are hurled at the wall. She wants to sugar coat things, make it seem like everything's okay so that my parents will think that she's done a good job and throw more money at her. _That's_ injustice.

"It's okay to let it out Konishi-kun," she smiles sweetly, using a patronising tone usually reserved for small children and animals.

I picture Hanamura's face in my mind. He's simpering over Saki whilst she works away in that darned Junes. Then he's laughing with Seta and buddies whilst we're burying my sister in the ground. Souji Seta, the transfer student who thinks he can just walk up to me and be my friend just because he got roped into extra-curricular activities.

"More tea, Konishi-kun?" The counsellor beams, noticing that I've finished my drink. "How about a nice cream cake?"

"No." I shake my head, getting to my feet. "I'm going to go home now."

"But you still have twenty minutes until--"

"I said that I'm going to go home now."

I leave her with her sickly smile and sticky buns and wander down the corridor, hoping to find the elevator that will take me to the ground floor. It's hot outside, so the kid they've hired to clean the hospital is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He catches me staring at him and meets my gaze. I recognise him from school, but I haven't really been around much to learn everyone's name. I bet he's thinking: "That's the Konishi kid, the guy whose sister was found hanging from a telephone pole in April."

No, it's not Saki that I hate. It's those who pity me, who think I should act as if I'm the one who died. It's those who avoid me, deliberately lowering their gazes as I stroll through the hall at school and whispering behind my back. I hate them so much, I could...

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**A/N: **I think I have a subconscious obsession with drinks. First it was orange juice, now tea. 3:


	3. Bargaining

**Bargaining**

I don't know why I'm standing here, at the shrine, with an ema in my hand. The last time I came to this place, it was with my family after we buried my sister. It's raining today, but I haven't got an umbrella. The bowing trees act as a sort of canopy anyway, shielding me from most of the droplets shed by the teary clouds.

But... Clouds don't cry. Even if they did, they wouldn't waste their tears on Saki. I don't even know why the trees are bothering to shelter me; I'm already drenched.

Where am I supposed to hang the ema? There aren't any others around, but there are several reams of tattered ribbon strewn across the ground. What happened to the wishes, were they granted and then disappeared? No, that's silly. They must be somewhere.

I tie the ema about the highest branch that I can reach, ensuring that the knot won't come loose. It's hard because my fingers are wet and the rain keeps hitting my face but I manage it. Stepping back and wiping my brow with a soggy sleeve, I admire my handiwork.

_I wish that my sister's soul didn't go to Hell.  
_

_

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_**A/N:** Yeeesh, sorry it's taken a while to update anything. Naoki doesn't seem the type to barter. :|


	4. Depression

**Depression**

Mother caught me looking up how to grieve on the computer. Now she worries even more about me. I wish Saki would come back and take her share of Mother's concern - then again if Saki did come back there would be nothing for Mother to be concerned about in the first place. I wouldn't need to look up 'how to grieve' on the computer.

_"Why don't you cry, Nao-kun?"_

_"I've never seen him look morose since Konishi-chan's passing..."_

_"The Konishi family's son just carries on like normal! As if she's just gone away!"_

"Konishi-kun, don't you ever feel sad about your sister's death?"

Seta's voice returns me to the real world. I blink, glancing across the table to those silver hued eyes which are staring at me questioningly.

"... Senpai, what's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?" I counter, a smile gracing its way across my lips.

I'm still eating. I'm still sleeping okay. I don't feel like throwing myself into the Samegawa River, and not a single tear has slipped down my cheek since Saki's passing.

"Hahaha! Ahahaha!" My laugh is raucous, my palm strikes the table in amusement at his anecdote.

I feel normal. I'm acting normal. How am I supposed to behave? It's not like I've ever had to do this before.

"Konishi-kun, do you want another steak skewer?"

"You're just as bad as that counsellor," I scoff, getting to my feet and fumbling for my wallet. "Always trying to make me eat stuff when she's going to launch into one of her sermons. Don't worry Senpai, I'll pay."

"Thanks man," Seta grins, not once reprimanding me for evading his question. "I owe you."

"Nah, think of this as my thanks for helping me to quit that stupid health committee."

What if my body _can't_ grieve? What if it's physically impossible for me to mourn her?

"Hey, Senpai. Tell me another joke."


	5. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

Saki... Can you hear me? Wait, that's a stupid question. No matter where you are (Heaven or Hell), there's no way that my words will reach you. But I still want to talk, to let you know how things are.

Today I cried for the first time since... Well, forever. I can't remember the last time that I stood there and sobbed like a girl (perhaps that's a good thing), but this afternoon the gossips had something else to talk about other than the weather.

You remember Seta-san, don't you? He was there, but he didn't laugh at me. He didn't even bother to comfort me or to tell me that everything was gonna be okay. He just said "Let it out, Naoki-kun," and that's what I did. For the first time in months, I actually felt like I could cry for you.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit Junes - on my own. It's stupid to hate a place because someone you loved used to work there, because she spent all her free time before she died there. Maybe my reason for hating Junes goes deeper than the family store and my aversion to Hanamura. Maybe it's because you were working your ass off every day and not spending time with us. With me.

This is probably the part where I should say 'I love you', and 'I miss you', but I just don't see the point. After all, you can't hear me.

I think I know what I'm gonna buy. At Junes, I mean. I'll eat them both and think of you, and then I'll help Father out in the store. Maybe I'll even help Mother cook dinner... I don't know, maybe that's stretching it a little too far, but I _am_ certain that things will be okay, given a little more time.

Because in the end, that's what we need, right? Time to grieve, to experience each of the stages (I looked that up on the internet too) and then come out knowing we're just that little bit stronger.

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**A/N: **Thanks for reading!


End file.
